Feeling pain 24/7 is exhausting

Last week, I shared some thoughts about empathy and its impact on our well-being. 

Empathy is a gift AND it can be overwhelming when we’re around pain and suffering all day, every day at work. 

To do our jobs well we need to feel empathy AND create empathetic boundaries at the same time. If we don’t, our strength can become our vulnerability. 

Let’s start with a look at the difference between empathy and compassion. 

Empathy = I recognize your suffering and suffer with you* 

Compassion = I recognize your suffering and take action to relieve your suffering

*To be fair, that’s affective empathy (I feel what you feel).

Cognitive empathy (I understand what you feel) also known as “perspective taking” or “theory of mind” is related but different.

In animal welfare, it's typically too much affective empathy that's creating a lot of distress for us. And perhaps not enough cognitive empathy that's creating distress for the humans around us. 

As you probably noticed, compassion always involves action. Empathy does not (we can feel empathy and do nothing).

That’s not the only difference. Researchers have discovered that empathy and compassion are two distinct neurological experiences. 

Empathy is sparked by emotional contagion aka I feel what you feel. We “catch” the feelings of those around us.

If the other being is in pain then: 

Empathy lights up the pain center of our brain.

We can feel the pain of others as if there is no boundary between us and the other being. We lose ourselves in the other. 

Boundaryless empathy is painful and exhausting. This distress and fatigue impacts our ability to do our work effectively.

Compassion lights up a different part of the brain linked to reward processing.

When compassion is activated, we experience a warm, caring feeling for the other and are moved to take action to help relieve their suffering. 

With compassion, we recognize there is a healthy boundary between us and those we serve. 

We try not to over-identify or internalize the pain of others in a debilitating way. 

This helps us to keep helping others because we’re not suffering as much.

This difference is why the term “compassion fatigue” is being phased out in favor of “empathic distress” or “empathic strain.” 

If you’re wondering, I still use the term compassion fatigue, along with empathic distress, because it’s what everyone knows. It’s most important to me that I reach people who need help first, then I can explain the change in terminology. 

Shifting into compassion, sometimes called empathic concern, is one way to stay healthy and continue doing this work for a long time. 

We might also refer to this as compassionate detachment (the term detachment gets a bad rap, but in this case, it’s paired with compassionate action). 

To help us shift in that direction we can use empathetic discernment. 

This means mindfully observing ourselves - noticing our thoughts, feelings, and body sensations in real time - to determine the best empathic response for oneself and others. 

If we notice that we’re feeling empathic distress we can regulate our empathy and shift into compassion or empathic concern. We start to feel the boundary between us and other living beings. 

We’re aware that we are not them, even though we are connected and care for them.

To sum up: 

Empathy is a critical part of our work. It’s the initial spark of empathy that leads to compassionate action!

But if we’re surrounded by suffering all day, it’s important to regulate empathy.

Put another way:  

You do not need to feel all of the animals' pain to help them.

Look, utilizing empathic discernment doesn’t mean we’ll never feel upset or sad.

Think of it more like protective gear that minimizes our risks so we can keep caring safely. 

This isn't easy stuff, but in the next newsletter, I’ll share some concrete practices we can use on and off the clock to help us set empathic boundaries.

Let’s Learn Together!

Want to learn more about empathy fatigue and how to protect yourself?

Join me in the next session of Compassion Fatigue Strategies, Plus! at UFL’s Shelter Medicine Program! 

Class starts October 21st and there’s still time to save on enrollment if you sign up now! You can learn more here. 

“I LOVED this course!! It went so deep into the science of stress and trauma, which helps when trying to understand your own and others' feelings.

I loved how we practiced different methods of stress management. We now have so many tools in our toolbox to deal with stress, trauma, burnout, and compassion fatigue.

There were tangible ways to work through things and recharge and reflective ways to help ourselves and others. I recommend this class to all shelter staff and volunteers!” - Cheryl, Volunteer Manager