A Simple Self-Care Primer

If you roll your eyes at the idea of self-care, I get it.

Self-care has turned into a billion-dollar industry and is marketed to us in highly problematic ways. 

But we do need to talk about authentic self-care because it's an important foundation for being well while we do good in the world.

Self-care is deceptively simple in that the basic stuff really works.

The hard part is that we have to convince ourselves we’re worth it, set boundaries to do it, and then commit to practicing it.

Easier said than done for almost all of us. 

For those of us who work or volunteer in helping professions (as animal care workers do), there are actual Standards of Self-Care Guidelines that serve as a constant reminder that self-care is our professional obligation.

That’s because there’s a correlation between ethical violations and compassion fatigue (Gentry & Figley, 2007). And what’s one of the ways we effectively address compassion fatigue? Through self-care.

Of course, when you talk about self-care, lots of questions come up. So with that in mind, here’s a Self-Care primer to help you get started!

What Self-Care is NOT:

Indulgent

Selfish

Pointless

Lazy

Weak

Avoiding problems

Mindless

What Self-Care IS:

Courageous

Compassionate

Mindful

Restorative

Thoughtful

Necessary

Brave

Challenging

Radical

Self-preservation

Our ethical obligation

You Don’t Need To Earn Self-Care By:

working the hardest

saving a million lives

being perfect

giving until it hurts

putting yourself last

finishing the to-do list

waiting until everyone else’s needs have been met

You don’t have to earn it at all. It’s your right to take care of yourself.

Who Is It For?

Self-Care Is For EVERYONE. 

If you are alive, self-care is for you.

What Self-Care Looks Like:

Some self-care feels great and is effortless (think: watching a sunset). Other self-care is a pain, but necessary (think: going to the dentist).

Authentic, sustainable self-care is much more than just comforting or treating ourselves. That stuff is okay too (bring on Netflix!), but healthy self-care goes much deeper than that.

It is sustainable. This isn’t about extreme makeovers and impossible New Year’s resolutions.

It meets our basic needs. That’s stuff like fresh foods, rest, exercise, medical care, etc.

It is a regular daily practice. We can enjoy special self-care on vacations, but we have to find a way to care for ourselves each day. 

It's something we do even when there is more work to do (there will always be more work to do!).

It meets our needs in a variety of areas: physical, spiritual, psychological, social, professional, and emotional.

It can change over the years as we change and our needs shift. In other words, it's ok if yoga isn't working for you right now even if it was your favorite self-care in the past. 

It is thoughtful, and intentional, and it feels alright. Self-care isn’t punishment. It’s stuff we enjoy or benefit from doing (like doing the laundry).

It is given to ourselves guilt-free and with enthusiasm (you know, like how we give to others all the time).

It means saying no, setting limits, and respecting our boundaries, so we have enough time and energy left for ourselves.

It's not about being uber-self-sufficient. The best self-care is often rooted in our mutually caring relationships with people and our community. Who do you spend your time with every day? That matters a lot.

How Do You Know If It’s Really Self-Care?

If you’re not sure if eating a bowl of ice cream or watching a movie or exercising is self-care or numbing/avoiding/[insert whatever you're worried about here], ask yourself why you are doing it and how it feels.

Are you mindfully eating that ice cream and enjoying every last bite, stopping when you’re full? Do you feel refreshed and alive? That’s self-care.

Are you attacking a gallon of ice cream with a soup ladle while zoned out in front of the computer, totally unaware that you’re even eating it until the container is empty and you feel sick? That’s not self-care.

Not sure? Ask yourself questions like:

What do I need right now and how can I give that to myself?

How does this sustain me?

How will I feel after I do it? 

How Do I Start?

Some self-care takes time to plan and execute. Sometimes this can be overwhelming and an immediate roadblock. So, a great way to start is by following your natural impulses and/or focusing on what you already do that brings you joy and pleasure.

Pee when you have to pee. Eat when you’re hungry. Drink when you are thirsty.

Pause for a moment and enjoy the feel of the breeze and the sound of the birds with the intention of being restored.

See? Simple, but not always easy.

You can also start by picking one thing that matters to you and making a commitment to do something about it.

Commit to a walk after dinner or getting your phone out of your bedroom.

After you succeed, you move on to the next area you’d like to address. 

One step at a time.

If you’re not sure, then I think getting better sleep is usually a good place to start. Being sleep-deprived is no joke.

Expect to drop the ball sometimes. That’s life and, in our line of work, there are intense circumstances that throw us for a loop.

Whenever you find that your self-care practices aren’t what you’d like or need them to be, just be kind to yourself and start again. You’re not a failure. Don’t waste time or energy beating yourself up.

Begin again, wherever you are, and start taking baby steps back toward your self-care practices or goals. Make it easy to succeed by lowering the bar and just get back to it in whatever way you can.

Why It Matters:

Because you deserve it. Because you’re alive. Every one of us deserves to reserve enough time, energy, and money to take care of ourselves. All of us. No matter who we are or what we do for a living.

But if you DO choose to work in a helping profession, then you have to engage in self-care as a professional obligation. It is not selfish and it doesn’t hurt or take away from those who need your help. Self-care is simply putting your own oxygen mask on first.

It helps to keep you in the game for the long haul, doing ethical, effective work.